I need you, but not in that way.

It is perfectly fine to need another person in your life. I would never say I haven’t been in love with someone or that I am okay with being lonely. I like the company of others, friends and romantically. For me personally, all I need is that – company.

It has been a long time since we lived in the Victorian era. During that time, women had no rights. If they were unmarried, their father was their provider. Any money they made, would be given to their father. If they had possessions, it was given to them by their father.

A woman was expected to remain pure, in preparation for motherhood. A woman who was raped, or just indulged in sex, was considered fallen. Many women who did not obey the rules of society, were named hysterical, and placed in asylums to “help” or “save” them.

Women could not get divorces. Once they were married, they were the property of their husbands. If they made money, it went to the husband. Anything given to them by their father, went to the husband. Women did not have legal custody over their children. If a husband raped his wife, or beat her, it was expected and rarely ever shunned. Only in extreme cases could a woman divorce her husband. After that, any woman who had been previously married was seen as tainted, and to survive, usually became a prostitute. Although not exactly lovely, being a prostitute gave women a freedom to enjoy sex, and to not be attached to and working/living under a man.

Given these horrendous circumstances, and seeing them still play out in society today, makes me think one thing: I don’t need you in the way you think I do.

If I marry a man, I expect him to bring in 50% of the money. I will bring in the other 50%. Whatever is left over is mine unless I decide otherwise.

If we have children, you will support the child as much as I do. That child is mine, as much as it is your’s.

We will have sex when I am in the mood for it. When we do, it is going to be wonderful.

If you hit me, I will hit you back. And then I’ll divorce you.

I don’t need to be told to shut up, to be beaten, to be raped, or to give you everything you want and get nothing in return. I need you to respect my intelligence, my humanity, and my abilities. I expect the same things from you, and I think those things are fair.

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