My Life Story – NOT!

I’ve been putting off writing about myself because any time anyone writes about themselves it is judged by the readers. We’re either arrogant or we didn’t say the right thing to make the reader “love us”. Well, I don’t want you to love me, since I don’t know you and that would be weird. But I want you to get to know me, so you’ll be interested in me and my books…

See where this is going? That’s not fair to either of us, is it? So, if I’m going to talk about myself, then you should talk about yourself, too. Introduce yourself in the comment section below, and even ask me a few questions. I’ll answer them and ask you some as well.

Basically, I’m from New Haven, CT. I was born in Middletown, CT but I don’t think of myself as being “from” Middletown. Being from somewhere, at least in my mind, means that you think and act like you belong in that town/city. Well I belong in New Haven. NH is the art capitol of this state, and people from most other cities gather here to celebrate art. Since I’m an artist, you can imagine why I like living here.

I don’t remember “getting into” writing because I was a story-teller as far back as I can remember. For me, far back as I can remember, is when I was an infant. I had very wordy thoughts when I was a baby, and a lot of frustrations because I couldn’t express those thoughts. Throughout my life, spoken words have always been a challenge for me. What’s in my head, and what comes out of my mouth, never match up. It has always been easier for me to express my ideas and communicate in written form.

I’m still trying to figure out why. I don’t think anything is wrong with me, and I don’t think communicating better through writing is simply a comfort zone. My brain is not wired the same way as a typical brain – I can feel that and I want my doctors to listen to me when I say that. I want to see my brain in action and answer the question once and for all, am I autistic? There are certain things I cannot do, such as relate to other people, and when it comes to finding a job, I tend to come off terribly in interviews. I cannot make eye contact with a potential employer, and I have very few facial expressions. I feel like I have been discriminated against, but without an official diagnosis, I cannot legally defend myself.

Growing up, my largest challenge was being hypersensitive to everything. Sounds, colors, touch, smell, taste even, have always been way too intense for me. There are some sounds that I get pleasure from, like certain music. However, things like clanging dishes or silverware, sirens, other high-pitched noises, blaring music, can be very upsetting to for me, to the point where I want to scream. My vision is very detailed, and I know that I see a range of colors that other people might not be able to see. In the past I’ve had arguments with art professors about which colors are actually present in a still life I am painting. This ability makes painting easy for me, and the sensation of working with oil is something that I crave. Because I have a very heightened sense of taste, I like food, A LOT. Especially food that has way more flavor than what other people could tolerate. I cannot eat foods with uncomfortable textures though, no matter how good they may taste. When it comes to smells, I’m not that different from most people; I like and dislike almost the same as you would. Only difference is strong smells, good or bad, can give me migraines, too. Simply put, I don’t like being touched by people. It’s often too painful, and it is not going to get better for me. What I have always loathed is how people think that having physical contact with me over and over again will somehow make me more open to being touched. I am open to being touched, I just cannot be touched because it is painful. People who cannot understand that, have no place in my life.

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